MAN: When I was little boy in Poland, all the times, I dreaming of America.
So I come, I work hard...
and I climb to the highest stars.
♪ Oh, la, la ♪
♪ Ole, ole, ole, ole ♪
♪ O la-di, o la-la ♪
♪ Ole, ole, ole, ole ♪
♪ O la-di, o la-la ♪
- Let's go! - (MUSIC CONTINUES)
♪ Ole, ole, ole, ole ♪
♪ O la-di, o la-la ♪
♪ Ole, ole, ole, ole ♪
♪ O la-di, o la-la ♪
(CHEERING)
You are such best audience. Thank you!
Now, please say hello to light of my life, my wife, my one and only, Marla.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Marla is decorated in authentic Polish amber
from the Jan Lewan Masterpieces of Elegance collection.
If you like, come after show to buy.
Or at Jan Lewan Show Gifts in Hazleton, open Monday to Saturday, nine to five.
Ziggy-zaggy, ziggy-zaggy!
- Oi, oi, oi! - That's what I'm talking about!
- (PLAYING SOLO) - JAN: Wow!
Mickey Stutz got fire fingers tonight!
(POLKA MUSIC PLAYING)
There she goes, my wife.
I love you, my wife, Marla.
♪ Ole, ole, ole, ole ♪
I just wanna tell you, that was a wonderful show.
Thank you.
Uh, is it "Yan Levan" or "Jan Lewan"?
Whatever you like. Nobody say the same way.
Oh, my father was from Poland. No one ever got his name right, either.
Is small price to pay to live in land of opportunity.
I come with nothing, not even English.
- (MAN YELLING) - I work every bad job.
I not give up.
And then I meet this guy. He is music genius. He change everything.
I waited in line for an hour for a hot dog.
Guy in front of me got the last one.
You name music instrument, Mickey Stutz can play it.
Not the accordion.
- Nice to meet you. - Mickey and me, we play everywhere.
Churches, parades, grand openings, roller rinks...
In 1981, we play 427 picnics.
(SINGING "MIALA BABA KOGUTA" IN POLISH)
And I keep building band to get big sound.
And now, this nobody from Poland is King of Pennsylvania Polka.
Jan.
Hi.
- The van has a flat. - Oh, I go change.
I just telling this nice pretty lady my whole life story.
It is so inspiring.
- Did he tell you how we met? - Not yet.
- You tell. - You tell.
- It was my big make-or-break mom... - I'll tell.
After high school, I won Junior Miss Hazleton, and so...
being a local celebrity, the Cancer Telethon asked me
to be part of their phone bank.
I saw Jan, and I'll be honest...
I felt really bad for him.
JAN: I was most nervous. First time on TV.
I work so hard to get to the big time,
and if I blow, who knows if I get next chance?
- WOMAN: Quiet, people. Here we go. - (BELL RINGS)
Next, we'd like to welcome to the stage a new act that's been blazing
quite a trail across the greater Scranton/Wilkes-Barre/Hazleton area.
Ladies and Gentleman, the Jan Lewan Orchestra!
- (MUSIC PLAYING) - You know what to do.
Call now. We gonna cure all the cancer today!
Okay.
♪ Strike up the music The band has begun ♪
♪ The Pennsylvania Polka ♪
♪ Pick out your partner And join in the fun ♪
♪ The Pennsylvania Polka ♪
Oh, my.
♪ It started in Scranton It's now number one ♪
Come on!
♪ It's bound to entertain ya ♪
♪ Everybody has the mania To do the polka from Pennsylvania ♪
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
JAN: The minute I see her, I know. This is my future. This is my Marla.
MARLA: I was infatuated.
Here was this ethnic entertainer,
and he had this charm, sophistication, he's such a classy performer...
and that accent.
♪ This goes on and on until the dawn ♪
That is so romantic.
Can I get a picture with you?
- Sure! - Of course!
Okay.
Ahem. You know, I never know how to work these things.
Hey, Lon! Can you, um...
Oh, sure.
Say "cheese!"
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
My room was freezing last night.
I piled ten blankets on me, and I still couldn't get warm.
- We gonna fix. - WOMAN: When?
Soon. I just had big engine to repair on tour van.
- But it is good as fixed. - WOMAN: Jan.
It seems like once you pay for the van, the gas, the musicians...
Ma, will you ease up?
Jan just played back-to-back shows, and then he drove all night
so we could have breakfast with you and David.
Mama, we so happy you move in to help us with David.
It means so much, when we on road, to know that our little boy in Grandma hands.
(VOICE QUAVERS) Watching that precious boy...
is the greatest joy of my life.
- (MOTHER SNIFFLES) - Oh, Ma, that is so sweet.
And he is why I think it's time to get realistic.
You need a stable job.
Plumber, electrician.
Every night, I'm up worrying.
Well, she doesn't need to worry. Right, Jan?
I think Mama and Marla please not worry.
I working and working. I always thinking bigger.
I build empire.
- Empire? - Empire.
Something to leave behind.
For David, my prince. And for Marla, my queen.
- (CHUCKLES) See? We don't need to worry. - Why do you need to build an empire?
You're already over-extended with that knickknack shop.
I'm talking about dealing with reality.
What is wrong with him building an empire if he wants to build an empire?
- He plays polka music. - So it will be a polka empire.
And when I am fancy man on top of world, I buy you Cadillac, Barb.
I buy you hot tub.
I buy you Cadillac with hot tub.
Hmm.
Thank you, Jan, for not going to bed last night
so that you could prepare this beautiful breakfast for us.
BARB: Yes.
Thank you, Jan.
So we be there at 24th, 25th, and 27, yes?
- (BELL JINGLES) - Okay. We can play there 26th.
Okay, thank you. Bye.
Okay, thank you.
Mickey Stutz! You are surprise for sore eyes!
I'm quitting the band.
- What? Mickey Stutz, you are the band. - Not anymore.
Mickey Stutz, you and me, we are team.
You give people love for life with sounds you make.
I give people love for life with Jan Lewan.
We don't make enough money, okay? I'm done. I'm out.
Nope. I not let you go.
Okay, all business books say, "Have plan." I make 25-year plan.
We start here, at salt shaker.
Now, we are on napkin with good crowd.
On our way to what?
Parmesan cheese. We all get rich.
- I still bring home chump change. - Mickey,
I will work harder. I will find a way.
Nobody works harder than you, Jan. That's what's so sad.
- You know my Aunt Lois in New Castle? - The one who wear the purple sweater?
Yes. She loves coming to see us play.
Her and her friends, it's their favorite thing.
- That's very nice. - So I say,
"Come see us at BeerFest. We're playing two sets."
She says, "Is it free?"
I say, "Wait a second.
You can't pay $3 to come see your nephew and your favorite band?"
She says, "I don't like to pay. Maybe I'll pay a dollar."
I say, "Wait. I drive four hours to get down there, play for five,
and four back home, and you can't pay three bucks?"
- You know, what we do... - "What about your friends?
Are they as cheap as you, Lois?"
She doesn't blink. She says,
"They'll pay $3 for a kielbasa, but the music should be free."
This woman changed my diapers!
Okay, so, you know, maybe we leave some free tickets for Aunt Lois.
Lots of other people gonna pay $3.
Three dollars is not enough.
Lonny and Steve are thinking about quitting, too.
Mickey, Mickey, we are on our way. You know I have dream.
We're gonna be big famous.
The booking fees are too small. You made the band too big.
What? That is part of plan, Mickey.
When band get big, crowd get big. Before we play rinky-dink.
Lonny says you're adding a dancing bear to the act. That true?
Yeah. (CHUCKLES) Bitsy Bear. She do funny floppy dance.
Cheryl flipped when she heard.
That was the last straw. We already have a chicken.
I knew it. Cheryl make you quit.
She's all over me.
She wants me to go back to Radio Shack.
You hate that job. That job kill your soul.
Jan, let's face it. This business stinks.
(MAN YELLING) Jan, pick up! Two deliveries!
You give me little bit more time.
I figure out raise, I get Cheryl off your dupa.
(SLAPS)
When Jan Lewan Orchestra play, I feel energy of crowd and I think,
"How I bring everyone in to be part of Jan Lewan American success dream?"
But what exactly would we be investing in?
Jan Lewan.
This dream right here.
I don't get what a "promissory note" is.
I learn from my cousin in Poland.
He get invest to fund his business, and then he pay investors interest.
Everybody win.
I not enough just be King of Pennsylvania Polka.
Your invest help build all my business.
Like this gift shop, Jan Lewan-flavored vodka, polka TV show...
and we not stop there.
My success is your success.
And, of course, you get money back, guaranteed.
Twelve percent. My promise to you.
How much did the Sajacs invest?
I not tell you their business. You need ask Sajacs.
Larry's always been real smart with his money.
So you and this lovely young lady go home...
(CHUCKLES)
Read all, and see if Jan Lewan is right for you.
I'm walking over to the dry cleaner to see if they can break a 20.
Marla, come inside. You know Ed and Anita from shows.
Ah!
- We're Jan's number one fans. - (MARLA CHUCKLES)
They are thinking of invest.
Oh. Well, you cannot go wrong with this man. He never stops.
(CHUCKLES)
We're getting 3% at the bank.
Twelve percent sorta sounds too good to be true.
Is true. That is why it's so good.
Oh!
Welcome to ground floor of big beginning.
(POLKA MUSIC PLAYING)
- Ladies and gentlemen, Mickey Stutz! - (PLAYING SOLO)
I heard that people are investing money with you.
Yes, come see me after show.
(WOMAN LAUGHS)
Whoo-hoo!
Great job out there, Lonny. We did real good moneys today.
- Oh! Nice and thick. - Nice and thick.
My favorite size. See you on the bus, Lonny.
She knows I'm married, right?
Be careful. I heard she gave Jimmy Warsaw crabs.
Oh, come on.
- I'm gonna give this to your mother. - She loves envelopes.
Especially when it's filled with money.
(LAUGHING)
I was against it, but the bear was genius. It really adds.
Now you see? Now you trust?
This gonna make Cheryl smile.
(VOICE QUAVERS) You saved me, Jan. (SIGHS)
I'm sorry. You saved me from the Shack.
Mickey, is okay.
Oh, it feels so good to pay my musics what they deserve.
Get in there. We got some polka to do.
MICKEY: Yeah. Whoo!
MAN: Hey, Ron. You got a minute?
- How do you undo on this thing? - No idea.
We got a call about some guy.
Sounds like he's selling illegal promissory notes.
Could be a Ponzi scheme.
I got 15 open cases here. Can't you give it to Angela?
She's got 19 open cases.
Just look into it. It's some polka guy.
- He plays poker? - Polka.
You know, oom-pah-pah, oom-pah-pah?
(JINGLES)
Hi, I'm Jan Lewan.
You always wanted to go to Poland but couldn't go so far?
Now you find Old Country at Jan Lewan Show Gift Shop.
Here, you find authentic handcraft costumes...
(POLISH FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)
Beautiful porcelain...
so precious amber...
good crystal.
All here at Jan Lewan Show Gifts!
At the 21st St. Mini-Mall in Hazleton.
And that is new commercial.
- Ah. (CLEARS THROAT) Very nice. - Is better than old one
because more quality and more expensive.
- Yeah, Mr. Lewan... - Call me Jan.
- Is it "Yan" or "Jan"? - It's whatever you want.
Which one is it?
I don't know. (CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES) Uh...
Mr. Lewan, do you know why I'm here?
No, but I so happy to have you because we never get black person here,
except UPS lady.
Well, are you taking investments in something called
"The Jan Lewan Show Gifts, Incorporated"?
Yes, is very good investment to help build empire.
But you know what? You read all and see if is right for you.
Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not here to invest.
- All investors 100% satisfied. - I'm here...
We always get more invests, so everybody make money.
Have you registered with the state
and filed a business prospectus?
I don't think so.
Well, the state must insist that you stop taking investments immediately.
I not understand. Everybody love. They're so happy.
Well, unfortunately, what you are doing... is illegal.
And you can go to jail.
(DOOR OPENS)
Jan... Excuse me. I just sold the last pack of pysanky.
It's been there for months.
- I order more. - MARLA: Okay.
Can I... get you anything?
No, nothing for us, my love. Can you shut door, please?
- Okay. - Thank you, my love.
But... (SCOFFS)
I make the promise to the people.
I pay quarterly interest every time to them.
You are not registered. You can't do that.
As of today, you have to give all that money back to your investors.
Today-today, or some other today?
You have three days after notification. You've been notified.
Okay. No problem.
Uh, in Poland, everybody do bribes. Do you do bribes?
(CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS) That's also illegal. No, I do not do bribes.
Me neither do I. Okay, three days.
Three days.
- I do in two because I love America. - Hey, who doesn't?
I'm happy we got a chance to sort this thing out.
Me too, very much. So happy to sort. (CHUCKLES)
- These things start to snowball. - No snowballs.
- (CHUCKLES) Please. - (CONTINUES CHUCKLING)
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
Who was that man today?
- Uh, he was fan. - Really?
That's kinda neat. Hmm.
It would be great to make some inroads into the black community.
JAN: He also from government.
It turn out maybe I'm not doing everything right with invest.
- Are you in trouble? - No, no, no, no.
I just need fill out papers and forms.
Well, your handwriting is so bad, you should let me help you.
You are amazing, special lady that I love very much.
But, no, I deal with on my own.
(CHUCKLES) Suit yourself.
- I go back to office. - Come inside and eat something, please.
You have a show tonight. You've been going all day.
I going a little bit more.
You're coming inside.
MARLA: Jan!
(TIRES SCREECH)
JAN: Love you!
(GROANS)
♪ Everybody polka Polka all day long ♪
♪ Everybody polka ♪
♪ While you sing this song, hey! ♪
♪ Dooby, dooby, dooby ♪
♪ Dooby dooby-da ♪
♪ Dooby, dooby, dooby ♪
♪ Dooby-da! ♪
- (COIN CLATTERS) - (SIGHS)
MAN: I'm sorry, Janek.
I don't need any deliveries.
Nobody calls.
You need any dishes washed?
We don't have dishes here. We serve everything on paper plates.
But the grease trap needs to be cleaned.
(SIGHS) Okay.
(SOBBING)
(DOOR OPENS)
Oh. How'd it go?
We raise $573 for St. Stanislaus.
Oh, you're so good. Dinner's in the oven.
- You are my wonderful. - (CHUCKLES)
BARB: Jan?
Marla told me the government came sniffing around today.
What was that all about?
Is nothing. Paperwork, business. Good night, Barb.
(BARB SHOUTING) Really?
Because Carol Menlow called to say
she pulled up next to you at a red light, and you were sobbing.
Oh, I've...
Low blood make me sugar crazy. Marla right, I need eat.
That was over three hours ago. Where you been all this time?
I went with Mickey Stutz to go for hoagie.
- Somethin's going on. - No, nothing on.
Everything good.
I told Marla, "Don't marry a musician. They can't keep it in their pants."
I keep in pants, always in pants. I take out of pants for pee-pee only.
I'm watching you, Jan.
And if you do anything to hurt this family, I will destroy you.
I will gut you, and fillet you,
and ship you back to Poland in a doggy bag.
Okay.
So, with the second mortgage, only Mr. Jan Lewan need sign, is right?
- Not Mrs. Jan Lewan? - WOMAN: Yes, sir.
You're the only titleholder, so only your signature...
I be down this afternoon.
Anita, Ed, my favorite Krzyewskis!
What brings you to 21st Street Mini-Mall in Hazleton?
We got something important to talk to you about,
regarding our investment.
Wonderful. Who wants fro-yo? Let's go get fro-yo.
- Marla, I be right back. - Okay.
Right this way.
JAN: So...
you probably spoke with black Ron Edwards?
Who's "black Ron Edwards"?
How is peppermint stick? Pineapple swirl is delish.
We want to invest more money in Jan Lewan Show Gifts.
Oh!
Ah... Uh...
I... happy you like so much, but I no longer take investments.
Why?
It's all full-up. I got all the money.
Soon, you will get invest back.
I told you we should've come sooner.
The IRA just matured.
ED: I'm sorry.
You really like investing with Jan Lewan?
Where were you in '87? We got creamed in the stock market.
It's all rigged by those Wall Street criminals.
We need a good investment for us regular people.
Well, I do have new investment opportunity,
but I did not mention because it's for bigger investments.
Does it have the same guaranteed return?
Yes, it does.
ANITA: We want in.
I'm gonna be right back.
(BLOWS)
This is big time of growing for business.
I quit all other jobs and focus on polka only.
So, if you have friends who you think would like, you know...
tell them call me.
But only tell very good friends,
people who appreciate very exclusive.
Important to be... (SHUSHES)
I've got a cousin down in Delaware
who just got a real big worker's comp settlement.
He should call today. For you.
♪ Beedle-deedle-dee ♪
Oh, this is too much!
Oh, let us pay for them.
No! Okay. $22.99.
JAN: I work 20 times hard for you!
I make you so happy!
I'm not gonna let you down!
(BELL RINGS)
JAN: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
It has been two months since my last confession.
PRIEST: God is listening.
I do something wrong
because I know, by doing wrong thing, it help me do right thing.
What are you confessing to?
I tell lie.
I am sinner, but I promise to work so hard,
and then I pay back all the moneys.
I just need more time.
When one of my businesses goes big, then I keep all my promises.
Do you repent for your sin?
I do, I do. I've asked God, "Show me the way."
Say ten "Our Fathers" and stay on the righteous path.
I will, Father. I will, I will, I will.
RON: Mr. Lewan?
Ron Edwards, Pennsylvania SEC.
Remember me?
Ron Edwards, hello! Yes, of course, I remember you.
I'm calling to follow up.
Yes, I so happy you came see me when you did to stop me making wrong moves.
I return all money to investors in Jan Lewan Show Gifts.
I only had six people, so it's not too big a deal. And...
Yes, so, you know, that is that.
And then, done with that and never make that mistake no more.
And no more invest in Jan Lewan Show Gifts.
Only play the polka for the smiles.
- You should come see us some time. - (CHUCKLES) Sounds fun.
Glad we could close this case.
Thank you, Mr. Lewan.
To you too, my brother.
Okay, my brother.
(MOANS) Oh...
How I make all this money?
Where I get rest of money?
ANNOUNCER: It's time for The Lou Laroue Show.
With your host... Lou Laroue.
Now, Jan, you always have so much going on.
Yes, and today, we have wonderful surprise.
- Is trumpet debut of my boy, David. - It's a real family affair.
Well, that is the only kind of affair that is okay with my wife.
(RIMSHOT PLAYS)
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
LOU: Okay.
You're constantly on the road with the band.
You've got the store, the record label, the radio program,
Jan Lewan-flavored vodka...
And now, Jan Lewan offer travel packages to Europe.
Jan Lewan always expanding. (CLICKS TONGUE)
- Tell us about it. - I'm very exciting about this.
I lead group on 12-day trip of great capitals of Europe.
We start in Warsaw, and we finish in Vatican City
for private audience with Pope!
The Pope? Oh, that sounds like a unique experience.
Oh, is trip of lifetime.
No one else offers this Premium Pope Package.
- Only Jan Lewan European Tours. - Terrific.
Okay, now, I understand you've prepared a song for us today?
Yeah, special for this show. We play, "Lou Laroue Show Polka."
I am honored.
- ♪ He make you laugh ♪ - ♪ Ha-ha! ♪
- ♪ He make you cry ♪ - ♪ Wah-wah! ♪
♪ He has the best guests in town ♪
♪ Come on a trip, to Vatican ♪
♪ Meet the man that's close to God! ♪
♪ Eat pasta meals ♪
♪ Plus talk to Pope ♪
♪ We love you, Lou Laroue ♪
Hey!
We'll be right back.
Welcome to Warsaw!
Hey, hey, hello! Good see you!
We just arrive in Bratislava.
Vienna. How about that!
Buongiorno, buongiorno.
We in Rome, and today, we gonna meet Pope.
Is special, special day.
Okay, Mickey, cut.
Now, can we get gelato?
No, no, no. No time. Let's go.
Anita! And we go this way, right over...
This way.
Now we're gonna have five-star Italian lunch and gelato.
And then we're gonna have private audience with Holy Father.
Okay, watch out here. We got some uneven pavement.
Oh, I'm sorry. No, keep going. Okay.
Careful. Here we go. Everybody this way for yum-yum.
- You come with me, Mickey Stutz. - What about lunch? I'm hungry.
I got peanuts on the bus. Come on.
- What the hell's going on? - Mickey, no, no, no! Shut that off!
MICKEY: I thought I was filming you.
You are here to be my bodyguard.
Bodyguard for what?
I don't have confirmed appointment with Holy Father.
What?
This is the Premium Pope Package.
(LAUGHS) Is disaster.
You said we were gonna meet the Pope.
I know. I've been calling for weeks. Nobody give me answer.
I thought you knew him.
I meet him once when I am seven years old!
- Excuse me. - Wha...
Jan, all these people are here to see the Pope.
What are you gonna tell them?
I'm gonna say, "Who you think you are? Pope is busy man!
He can't meet nobodies from Pennsylvania!"
Now, we try bribe.
This a lot of money. I need you walk with me and look tough.
What?
- Make sure nobody follow us. - Why would somebody be following us?
- To kill us and take the money! - What?
- JAN: Who is that? - Who?
- See him before? - I don't know.
JAN: He coming.
- I don't know... - Pretend like you have gun.
JAN: Don't you... Stay away from this suitcase!
- I go there. - Okay, I'll go with you.
No, you too sweaty.
Jan, honey, do you think that he's coming soon?
I'm just a little worried. A lot of these old people are looking a little pooped.
Any moment. Go light candle and pray.
- Oh. Are you okay? - Excellent.
- It's 4:45. You said he'd be here at 3:00. - I think I said, " If he come."
You didn't say "if." You said it was okay.
I need you calm down, because even if Pope doesn't come and whole trip is ruined,
everyone have their health, and that is what matters most.
I'm gonna throw up.
- Those criminals took my money. - These people are gonna go apeshit.
That lying priest gonna see a side of Jan Lewan he not like.
Pray for me, Mickey Stutz.
Wait... why am I praying? What am I praying for? Jan!
("GLORIA IN EXCELSIS" PLAYING)
♪ Gloria! Gloria! ♪
♪ In Excelsis Deo ♪
♪ Gloria! Gloria! ♪
♪ In Excelsis Deo ♪
♪ Gloria! Gloria! ♪
♪ In Excelsis ♪
♪ Deo ♪
(FLASH POPS)
♪ Gloria in Excelsis Deo ♪
♪ In Excelsis ♪
(LAUGHING)
♪ Gloria in Excelsis Deo ♪
You hungry? Hey, you want some peanuts?
There some peanuts at the door. Good.
(LAUGHS) We have good day, no? Is special good day.
This has been the best day of my life.
- All our lives. - We want to invest more money with you.
We've told all our friends about it
in a very "shh" way, and they want to invest with you, too.
I pass out clipboard. Everyone write down how much.
- (MARLA YELPS) - (JAN CHEERS)
(CLINKS)
- MARLA: Mmm. - (JAN CHUCKLES)
- I wish Ma could've been with us today. - I know. Barb is so much fun.
(MARLA LAUGHS)
Stop it. I'm serious. She would've been so impressed.
She would've seen all these people who want to invest with you.
We don't tell Mama about these invests.
I want her to know about all of the people
who believe in you the way that I believe in you.
Yeah, but is not nice to be "I told you so" to Mama.
Please.
I am so sick of her always telling me that you're never gonna succeed.
I think it would be very nice to rub it in her face for once.
Marla, we just see Pope.
Our hearts are full with love.
(SCOFFS) You're right.
I'm sorry. I'm a bad person. (CHUCKLES)
Mnh-mnh.
You are human, with flaws and desires, like all the people.
Oh, gee.
And, also, I think is better you never, ever, ever talk about invest
because I take care of all the business.
Really?
Don't... Never... I mean, I thought that we were partners.
- Did I do something wrong? - You kidding me?
- Mm? - You did something right.
- Jan... - I want you to remember.
Remember, all I do, I do for you.
Yes, we are here in Rome, in this gorgeous hotel suite.
So you know what? Yeah. You're obviously doing something right.
- To today. - To today.
(CLINKS)
Mmm!
I think is time we hire full-time videographer.
Film everything I do: the shows, the tour,
next time we go to visit Pope, of course, and then we sell the tapes to the fans.
Jan, that's brilliant.
(PHONE RINGS)
Hold that thought.
- Prego! - MICKEY: Today, I saw who you really are.
- Mickey? - You're a liar.
I not lie. I say we meet Pope, we meet Pope.
Cut the crap. We were hanging on by a thread.
What if we didn't get to see the Holy Father?
But we did.
But you lied to all those people!
Mickey, some things you say so you can make happen.
How you think I get here? Where I am today?
I say what will happen, and I believe.
Man, you got excuses up the wazoo.
No, I have America up the wazoo.
Nothing happen without you believe.
You believe house, someday house.
You believe beautiful wife, someday wife.
You believe in friend, someday friend.
You say big things and big things happen.
I not liar. I believer.
Man.
You got guts, Jan. I could never do that.
So make something happen.
Like what?
Something. Anything.
I...
nah, it's stupid.
No, you say to me what you want to happen.
I give you the power!
I hate my name.
I always wanted a stage name.
I wanted to be called...
"Mickey Pizzazz."
(SIGHS)
Mickey.
Come.
We kneel.
Come.
MICKEY: Okay.
(INHALES, SIGHS)
Mickey Stutz want to be called "Mickey Pizzazz."
Is pizzazzy name for pizzazzy guy.
And today, God hears you.
From now on, you are Mickey Pizzazz.
(SOBS) Thank you.
(CROWD CHEERING, CLAPPING)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Come on, let's dance! Everybody dance!
On sax, Judy Glemp and Lonny Suwalski!
On trumpet, my own son, David Lewan!
And tonight, on clarinet, my main man, my number one...
Mr. Magic Fingers himself, Mickey Pizzazz!
(TRILLING)
(GASPS) Vince, go in tight for this.
Everybody... cut the lights!
- Everybody, stop! Everybody, stop! - (MUSIC STOPS)
Everybody, Marla just told me incredible news.
I am so happy to share this with all you who have support Jan Lewan
for all these many years.
I cannot do without you.
Our last CD, which we have on sale here tonight,
has been nominated... for Grammy Award!
- (CHEERING) - "Best Album of Year, polka category"!
Oh, I love you.
(JAN KISSES) Oh, my God.
Hey! Hey, get over here, you son of a bitch! Get over here!
Hey. Hey. We're gonna do "Proud To Be An American."
Okay? "Proud To Be An American."
"Proud To Be An American."
- This one from my heart. - (MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ You were born in America ♪
♪ How fortunate you are ♪
♪ Only in America ♪
♪ Can you reach for the highest stars ♪
♪ You can say what you want ♪
♪ Think what you want ♪
♪ Do what you want to do ♪
♪ Oh, to be an American ♪
♪ To be like one of you ♪
♪ I came here from a foreign land ♪
♪ How fortunate I am ♪
♪ And like so many before me ♪
♪ You opened up your arms ♪
♪ You give me your valleys ♪
♪ Mountains and your plains ♪
♪ You give me a love that's true ♪
♪ Now, I, too, am American ♪
♪ I am just like one of you ♪
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- ♪ Now, I am an American ♪ - (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
♪ I am just like one of you ♪
♪ Just like you and you ♪
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
JAN: Ziggy-zaggy, ziggy-zaggy!
CROWD: Oi, oi, oi!
- How many you bringing out to LA? - I sign 500. You think is enough?
- Yeah. If you need more, I'll send them. - Okay.
Jan?
Yeah, go.
You know how Lindsey has those learning issues?
Yeah, I know you have struggles. But Lindsey is so cute little girl.
We found a specialist she really clicked with.
I mean, Jan...
she was making connections like she never made before.
But it's expensive and I...
You send bill to me.
- Jan, you serious? - Yeah.
Is so good you find some person to help your little girl be normal.
You know how much this means to Beth and me.
Come.
- I do. - Thank you.
JAN: I really do.
I don't get how this place stays open. We haven't had a customer in three hours.
Well, that's why Pop started the catalog business.
This is a business? I was not aware.
Grandma, why are you so mad at Pop all the time?
I'm not mad at your father. I just think he lives in la-la land.
He's meeting with producers in Los Angeles.
And when he gets his own TV show, he says I can be on it.
Sweetheart, that is la-la talk. Nothing more.
People love coming to his concerts. He makes them happy.
Flying himself first class to LA,
putting himself up in Beverly Hills. How?
All right, I'm gonna get some lunch.
I just don't want you to follow in his footsteps.
You're a good boy, and there are better footsteps.
Okay, Grandma.
- You want anything? - You're a doll.
Get me a cheesesteak. No peppers. And make sure they use the good toaster.
(BELL JINGLES)
Whew.
(JINGLES)
Oh, Mickey.
For a second, I thought we actually had a customer.
Hey, Barb. Haven't seen you in a while.
I'm just helping out while they're off jet-setting in California.
Tonight's the big night. Fingers crossed.
- We could win. - No.
Seems unlikely.
I saw Cheryl in the bank.
She's put on a lot of weight. Is she okay?
Thyroid.
Bad mood swings, too.
Mm.
Supposed to pick up some flyers. Jan said they're in his office.
I'll take a look.
Hold down the fort.
Okay.
MICKEY: Found 'em!
They were under the counter.
You're looking real good, Barb.
That's very nice of you.
We're playing the Trump Taj Mahal next month.
You should come.
I don't think so.
Yeah, it's real far.
Things are really picking up here at the Grammys.
I think I see Tom Jones headed toward me on the carpet.
Jan Lewan.
- WOMAN: Who? - Jan Lewan, polka nominee.
- WOMAN: Jan Lewan! - Hello!
WOMAN: Hi! Welcome.
You look like a very happy man.
Yes, I got a great gift basket with mini-hairdryer inside.
- Jan, I see Eddie Murphy. - Where?
- WOMAN: Is this is your first nomination? - (LOUDLY) What?
Does he look heavier to you?
(JAN ON TV) Oh, my goodness, yes! It's so...
WOMAN: Marla.
- Sheila. - Hey.
We saw Jan's picture in the paper.
We didn't win a Grammy, but it was a thrill to be nominated.
Were you there, too?
- Of course, I was there. - Oh, my God!
What was it like?
Sheila, it was 70 degrees in Los Angeles.
You must've seen famous people.
Tom Jones, Andy Garcia, Eddie Murphy...
I met Judy Tenuta.
- Was she nice? - She was so nice. So nice.
Can you put this on a tab?
Tell Jan to be a little bit more careful with the mustard.
- He loves his mustard. - SHEILA: Wow.
Your life is so exciting.
- Oh. (CHUCKLES) - SHEILA: I knew you when you were nobody.
(LAUGHS) I was never nobody. I was always Marla.
SHEILA: Oh, yeah.
Sure, I mean, but... who's Marla? She went to school with Sheila.
Marla and Sheila are not at the Grammys, meeting the Pope.
- Well... - SHEILA: You're Mrs. Jan Lewan.
That's way better than plain old Marla.
Good to see you, Sheila.
So, Vince, you know what I wanna get? I wanna get "tight cowboy."
- Okay, cowboy is a head-to-knee. - Yes, so tight cowboy.
- Do you think of me as Mrs. Jan Lewan? - Yes, of course!
So I want you to pan from me to crowd, then back to close on me.
Yeah, Vince, just make sure you get Jan, Jan, Jan and only Jan.
- What I say? - I don't know.
- Welcome to our 14th Annual Polkafest. - (FEEDBACK SQUEALS)
(APPLAUSE)
MARLA: Yeah.
It is my privilege to introduce the wonderful performer
you are about to see...
who also happens to be my husband.
I think a lot of you look at me and you think, "Wow, she's so lucky
because she's 'Mrs. Jan Lewan.'"
Ahem.
But there's a lot more to me. (CHUCKLES)
And I'm always introducing Jan, so maybe I introduce myself tonight.
Okay, so I'm sure a lot of you remember
that I did compete for and won...
Junior Miss Hazelton.
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
I can also sing and dance,
but how would you ever know that? Because I never get the chance.
Ahem.
My story is the story of so many women.
Because I put my dreams aside so that I could raise a family...
and let my husband hog the spotlight.
And I'm sure a lot of you ladies can relate to that.
Didn't you use to have dreams and...
and goals?
What happened?
So that's just a little something about who I am.
So...
without further ado... uh,
uh, I would like to introduce the enormously talented Polish Prince,
Jan Lewan!
- Hey! - (APPLAUSE)
My lovely wife, who is not just my wife.
She much, much, much, much, much, much more.
She is wonderful mother, and more than that, too, she...
fold the laundry so good.
That is bonus.
Because what I really am trying to say is, she is amazing at whatever she do.
- So please give up hands for my Marla! - MAN: Yeah!
- (APPLAUSE) - MAN: Marla!
One, two, go!
- (MUSIC PLAYING) - (AUDIENCE CHEERING)
So, Mom, what happened out there tonight? Did you, like, blow a fuse or something?
Mmm, this sesame chicken is yummy.
Why? Was it bad?
No, no! Everyone come up to me after and say how great talker you are.
Tonight made me realize that I need to do something for myself.
I couldn't agree more.
BARB: Listen.
I do the books for Dr. Morrissey's practice in Scranton.
He's looking for a new office manager.
You would be perfect, Marla.
What about gift shop? Marla is best amber salesman.
BARB: I'm talking about a secure job,
with regular hours and a regular paycheck.
You want Marla to work for dentist? What kind of life is that?
It's a kind of life with health insurance!
Stop it! Stop! Both of you, stop it!
I want to do something big and something that I can be proud of,
which is why I have decided, tonight,
that I am going to compete in the Mrs. Pennsylvania Beauty Pageant.
That is a complete waste of time.
Those pageants are a racket!
Of course, you should do that, my darling.
Jan.
I'm gonna need a trainer, a dance coach,
- a speech coach... - We get my guy.
MARLA: I need gowns and a lot of bathing suits.
- We go to Miami. - I need new shoes...
- We get all most expensive. - How are you gonna pay for all this?
You are not a beauty queen. You look like your father.
BARB: You are not doing this.
- Know what? - (DISHES CLATTER)
All respect, Barb, but this my house! And I am man, and I am decider!
(YELLING) Marla, wake up and pull your head out of your ass!
MARLA: Do you know what your problem is, Ma?
You're not a happy person!
- Just let her go. - You wanna believe in fairy tales?
Far be it from me. Go ahead! Believe in your fantasy world!
I would rather live in a fantasy world than whatever world you're living in!
I live in a little place called "Open Your Eyes"!
- I am done with you lunatics! - You never believed in me!
Jan believes in me!
(DOOR OPENS, SLAMS)
- (SOBBING) - JAN: Oh, Marla. It's okay.
BARB: You know Robby Pulaski?
Marla could've married him.
Now he's the number-one plumber in Scranton.
He's got three trucks going and a swimming pool.
Let me give you a massage.
I begged Marla not to marry a musician.
Now they're dragging my grandson down with them.
Maybe there's something you don't know. Most musicians starve.
But the Jan Lewan Orchestra? We make a living.
I think Jan is a drug dealer.
- What? - He's got multiple post office boxes,
those weird filing cabinets.
He's always getting calls and leaving the room.
One day, he's broke. Next day, he's rolling in dough.
I can't figure out how he's paying that band.
I ran the numbers.
Barb, come on. Come on, please.
The most he gets for a concert is $1,500.
Usually, it's more like 800.
- He's got a other business going on. - He's in the hole with every show.
He's got investors.
What are they investing in?
Do we really have to talk about this right now? Please?
I made up this whole crazy story
so I didn't have to go home and see Cheryl.
I was really looking forward to being with you.
I'm sorry. I'm just so wound up about Jan and what he's up to.
Jan Lewan is not a drug dealer, okay?
You're under his spell. You can't think clearly.
If it wasn't for Jan Lewan, I wouldn't be here right now.
Mickey Stutz didn't have the stuff to cheat on his wife.
But Mickey Pizzazz, he's got the stuff.
You're right.
You don't rent a room at the Land O' Nod to have this conversation.
Mickey...
Yeah, baby?
Will you hold me?
I'll do a lot more than that.
(BARB YELPS) Oh!
Oh, Mickey.
Everyone said Joanne Dupree was gonna win, including my mother.
But Joanne Dupree did not win.
I won.
And you'll win again.
(CHEERS)
- ("MORE IS MY LOVE" PLAYING) - ♪ More is my love ♪
♪ Than leaves in the autumn ♪
♪ More is my love for you ♪
♪ I'll love you till The stars fall from heaven ♪
♪ And this I promise you ♪
♪ That forever I'll be by your side ♪
♪ I will leave you never ♪
♪ Trust my heart with your love inside ♪
♪ To be there forever ♪
♪ More is my love ♪
♪ Than birds in the springtime ♪
♪ More is my love for you ♪
♪ The day we met I knew you would be mine ♪
♪ I knew my wish came true ♪
♪ More is my love ♪
♪ My love ♪
♪ For you! ♪
Everything looks delicious.
What's going on with you?
Come on.
I've moved out.
David got his driver's license. Doesn't need me anymore.
WOMAN: Mm, there's something more than that.
I like having my own place again.
Oh, I saw Jan last week. We had to withdraw all our money with him.
You invested with Jan?
Yeah, we did, but we had to cash out to pay for Sid's gallbladder surgery.
Did you get your money back?
Oh, and then some.
We made so much money with Jan.
Maybe Ken and I should invest.
Don't! Please don't. Trust me.
I'd invest with him again in a heartbeat.
But, now that Sid lost his foot to diabetes,
all our money goes to his fake foot.
It pains me to say this about my own son-in-law...
but I think he's a little shady.
He was always on the up and up with us.
- (CHEERING) - ("POLKA BUBBLES" PLAYING)
♪ Polka bubbles, polka bubbles ♪
♪ Polka bubbles in the wine ♪
♪ And with Mickey on ukulele ♪
♪ It's polka bubble time! ♪
Roar!
JAN: Oh! Whoa-oh!
Bitsy Bear fall.
Thank you all for your beautiful dancing!
So I am sure all of you know, next week is Mrs. Pennsylvania Pageant,
and I want lots of people to cheer for my Marla.
So guess what. I rent five buses to bring you all!
- (CROWD CHEERING) - JAN: Ziggy-zaggy, ziggy-zaggy!
CROWD: Oi, oi, oi!
There's a whole goddamn bus, yet she always ends up sitting next to me.
Okay, you've got a pretty inflated ego.
I have no interest in sex with you.
Then why do you keep leaving messages on my machine?
Okay, okay, okay.
Lonny, loosen laces, but keep shoes on.
Bitsy, sit somewhere away from Lonny. And no more calling, okay?
Break!
Every time there is shit being stirred, Bitsy Bear is holding spoon.
Don't record none of that. Erase. I don't want none of that.
Can we talk privately?
Vince, go to parking lot. Get people saying, "I love Jan Lewan."
Band's kind of unhappy that you're renting buses.
Buses are investment. We bring crowd, they cheer for Marla.
If Marla wins Mrs. Pennsylvania, we're all gonna make money.
I don't get that. Nobody gets that.
I put on poster. We are big power couple, okay?
Then we get TV show, like Sonny and Cher,
or Regis and Kathie Lee.
Sometimes, you got to spend money to make money.
But where's the money coming from?
Is it coming from my pocket, your investors' pocket, the band? Who?
Anybody in band don't like buses, they can try to make money with no Jan.
Good luck with that.
- I'm sorry. Listen, okay... - Don't...
You wanna see the books, Mickey Pizzazz?
- I show you books, I show you everything. - Yeah.
- I do wanna see the books. - Then you come anytime.
- You come to shop, I show you. - Okay.
Hey, hey, hey. We're okay, huh?
Marla, my beauty, you working so hard,
but, no matter what happen today, you are already...
- CROWD: Oh! - (GASPS) Oh, Jan.
(CHUCKLES)
Let's load those buses!
Okay, conga!
Ba-rum-pa-pa, pa-pa-pa!
Here we go.
Ba-rum-pa-pa, pa-pa, pa!
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage...
12 of Pennsylvania's classiest ladies.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(APPLAUSE)
♪ When I hold you near me ♪
♪ Open up your heart and hear me ♪
♪ I'm the singer You're the song I sing ♪
♪ It's a song about you ♪
♪ How I just can't live without you ♪
Marla Lewan of Hazleton,
if you had all the money in the world, what would you buy?
(FAINT COUGHING)
I don't need money
because I already have everything that I need right here.
My family and my friends.
That is beautiful answer.
- Up. - (APPLAUSE)
Everyone, up.
Connie Klopski of Newberg,
if you were a car, what kind of car would you be?
I would be a car made in America.
I would be luxurious.
And most importantly, I would be fuel-efficient.
It is imperative that we find our own home-grown sources of energy,
something that I'm confident
we, Americans, who are so hard-working and so independent, can do!
- MAN: Yeah! - That's what kind of car I'd be!
(CHEERING)
Wow! She's a goddess.
CONNIE: Yeah!
- Hey, guys, guys, guys. - CONNIE: Go, America!
Guys, sit! Sit!
- Come on, let's sit. - CONNIE: USA! USA!
(CROWD CHANTING) USA!
USA! USA! USA!
Excuse me, I left lucky krakowska on bus.
Pardon me, excuse me.
(CHANTING CONTINUES)
In third place, hailing all the way from Philadelphia...
Debra Johnson!
(APPLAUSE)
- Congratulations. - Thank you so much.
She did real good, Jan. Real good.
And the runner-up, from Newberg...
Connie Klopski!
(CHEERING)
And this year's Mrs. Pennsylvania goes to...
Hazleton's own Marla Lewan!
(JAN YELLS) Yeah!
- (MUSIC PLAYING) - (SOBBING)
(GASPING)
Thank you, Lord. Thank you.
I love you so much.
Marla work so hard. I so proud.
And today, I am not Jan Lewan. I am Mr. Mrs. Pennsylvania.
- MAN: I don't know happened. - What?
- All right? I have no idea... - What happened?
Okay, let's go! The buses are leaving!
There is champagne for everyone, but only on the bus, okay?
Turn around, go that way, lady. Be quick. Move it!
♪ There you are, standing in the light ♪
♪ In a way you've dreamed of All your life ♪
♪ All at once standing on your own Mrs. Pennsylvania ♪
(CHUCKLES)
This is for you, Mr. Lee.
- It go right up on wall. - MARLA: If you insist.
- (PHONE RINGS) - (LAUGHING)
I know you warn me, Mr. Lee, but we got another mustard situation.
MARLA: Hello?
Yes, this is Marla Lewan.
Uh-huh.
Of course, I remember you. (LAUGHS)
Excuse me?
How could that be?
- This is outrageous. - (DOORBELL CHIMES)
Says who?
No!
I'm sorry, but the answer is... is no.
(SIGHS)
The man from the pageant says that Connie Klopski won
and that I have to give back my crown and the luggage and everything.
But you win. Winner is one who won.
They're saying I didn't win.
They're saying that somebody changed the scores.
What? Who would do that? Why?
They don't even know. They don't know.
They're saying somebody bribed one of the judges.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy... (MUTTERING)
This not good.
(SIGHING) This not good.
You didn't have anything to do with this, I hope.
Me? No.
- But... - But what?
I think maybe just do what pageant say to avoid trouble.
If this get out, it's very, very bad.
You don't think I won?
Of course, I think you win! You were number one missus up there, but...
We know you won, so maybe it's okay.
We give back the crown, the sashes, the trophy, the luggage.
Why? Why would I give it back? I'm the winner.
I'm not handing anything over to Connie Klopski.
- I don't think you should! - I...
You should not do that because you are most beautiful!
Everybody see it!
- Come here. - (SOBS)
Scandal has hit this year's Mrs. Pennsylvania contest.
Marla Lewan, the wife of polka entertainer Jan Lewan,
won this year's title.
Many contend that the final scores were tampered with.
Bribes are being alleged.
There is no way she won. (LAUGHS) No way.
REPORTER: Judges say runner-up Connie Klopski of Newburg
was the actual winner.
I just think it's so sad.
We all wanna believe in our institutions, and...
now, you can't even trust the Mrs. Pennsylvania Pageant.
State officials promise a full investigation.
This look real bad.
Jan...
the only reason "this look real bad"
is because she's out there and she's just telling her version all over the place.
We need to get out there and tell our side of the story.
And I'll tell you what else.
The only way that Connie Klopski is gonna get my trophy
is if it comes right through her front window.
Connie Klopski's been vocal about this throughout this whole controversy,
and she demands that you turn over the trophy and crown to her.
All I did was win the Mrs. Pennsylvania contest.
If anything did happen, I am the victim in all of this.
Everybody's saying Jan Lewan fixed it.
They're using the term, "well-connected." What's that mean?
I call Pope and said, "Pope, tell God make my wife Mrs. Pennsylvania."
- LOU: You called the Pope? - Come on, is ridiculous.
LOU: Okay, but you...
They say you bribed somebody.
No, I don't bribe nothing or do nobody.
If anybody wanna talk more about, you come to my store.
Jan Lewan Show Gifts, open nine to five, Monday to Saturday.
But the judges say they didn't vote for you.
(RECORDING BEEPS)
MAN: Why the hell did you rig a beauty pageant?
We're pulling our money out.
All of it, every penny.
(BEEPS)
WOMAN: Jan, are you getting my messages?
I called you eight times.
We really need our money. What's going on?
WOMAN 2: Did you or did you not say
you were gonna send us our interest check?
- Send it. - Hey, Jan. This is Vince.
- This is kinda awkward, but... - It's Arlene again.
- I hate having to hound you. - VINCE: Lindsey's speech therapist...
- ARLENE: We need money. - VINCE: ...gotten your check.
- (BEEPS) - WOMAN: Mr. Lewan, this is First National
calling to discuss your overdrawn accounts.
Please give us a call back at your earliest convenience.
- (PHONE BEEPS) - What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?
Are you sure you want to take your money out now?
You've been doing very well with reinvest your interest.
No one else give you 12%, only Jan Lewan.
Okay.
Okay, I send check today.
Which will bounce all over Hazleton.
Dad, the Krzyewskis are here. They wanna talk to you right now.
Not here! I come out.
Ed and Anita! What we owe pleasure?
We want our money back.
- Now. - But why?
We don't like being involved in a big scandal.
But you were there! You see she win!
We got this phone call.
An anonymous person called us
and told us our investment may not be safe.
Ugh! Your money so safe.
Then why would someone call us?
(SCOFFS)
Look, I have traveled with dancing bear. I have to fire her and she get ugly.
The bear must've called us.
I don't care. We want our money back.
Okay, let's see where we are. Krzyewski, Krzyewski...
Wow, look at that.
You two so smart because you roll over invest,
and also, you put in extra money, so you grow, grow, grow.
Then it's a good time to get out.
Yes and no.
I mean, business is over the roof, bigger than ever.
And venture is so big. It's 20%.
But you want money now, so I write check.
- Twenty percent? - Is not for everybody.
Is only for people who want to make lots of money.
Okay, $273,000.
Whew.
You have done very well with Jan Lewan. (CHUCKLES)
Give me your hands.
(EXHALES DEEPLY) I appreciate you investing. I'm gonna miss you.
But you still come to shows, yes? This weekend is Pocono Onion Fest.
(STAMMERS) Can we roll this over into that 20% investment?
- Of course, you are trusted investors. - ANITA: Thank you.
We're keeping our money with you.
Hold the hands in the middle for the big family shake.
ED: Let's stop at the Hillside for lunch.
ANITA: What? That place is no good.
- ED: They got the best tuna salad. - Oh, Ed...
- (PHONE RINGS) - We're going to Shorewood.
(SIGHS)
(PHONE RINGS)
- Pop, what are you doing? - What are you doing?
I heard what you were saying. Is that realistic?
You don't talk to me about business! You are trumpet player in my band!
You don't ask questions!
You blow the notes I say!
(PHONE RINGS)
(DOOR OPENS)
(SIGHS)
David.
I should not talk to you how I did.
I have made big mess of things, but I will fix.
I'm sure you can, Pop, but I think maybe you're promising people too much.
Yes, yes, it's true. You're right.
I no take investments anymore.
I gonna book big American tour and work on musics only, okay?
JAN: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
Five months since my last confession.
I need God's help. I in big trouble. I lose my way.
- How so? - I'm making all the wrong moves.
I not know how to stop. I in big hole.
So many people depending on me. I not want...
Does this have to do with your investment business?
Excuse?
My Aunt Judy has her retirement with you.
- She depends on those interest checks. - Tell God I'm working on it.
WOMAN: Do you remember someone named Jan Lewan?
Nope.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, yeah.
Jan Lewan.
Cute little fella.
I've been getting a lot of calls about him.
Why did you close his case?
I checked on him. No one had a bad thing to say.
I just got off the phone with an elderly couple
who invested over $60,000 with him, and now he won't return their calls.
I even went to his show, snooped around a little bit. Weird scene.
Everybody loved him.
They said this was the government's fault.
It's always the government's fault. And they all don't like paying taxes.
They hate regulations, they all want you to leave them alone,
while they flush their money down the toilet for some con man.
Happy you are here.
Yeah, my first real tour.
We're gonna keep him out of trouble. Right, Mickey Pizzazz?
Jan, the band seems kinda low. Maybe you should say something.
(SIGHS)
I know recent has been hard times for band.
Had to let Vince go.
- And Bitsy Bear. - Thank you.
Yep. And I not give money raise like I said I would.
Next time your wife's in a beauty pageant, don't rent five buses.
Now I get it! Bitsy Bear is gone, so Christopher stir the shit for her.
(LAUGHING)
But soon, we be back on tops.
We get new fans and new smiles
and big money raise, too!
Ziggy-zaggy, ziggy-zaggy!
Oi, oi, oi!
(CAR HORN HONKING)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
MAN: Hello? Am I speaking with Marla Lewan?
- Yes. - I'm sorry to tell you this,
but there's been an accident.
JAN: Marla, I so sorry.
(MUTTERS)
- It should be me. - (MARLA SNIFFLES)
JAN: I wish was me.
Is all because me.
Jan, please don't say that. It's not your fault.
You weren't even driving. (SNIFFLES)
You had to take him on tour.
- Ma... - She right. Why I take him?
I put my little boy on life support.
Jan... how's he doing?
If he dies, I die.
- I kill myself. - Don't say that.
- Is all my fault. - No.
- Yes, Mickey. - No.
- Mickey, I do bad things. - We all do bad things.
I do worse.
I cheated on my wife.
With Barb.
- With Barb? - I had to end it.
I didn't like the things she was saying about you.
Barb hates me, and Barb is right to hate me.
- I am bad man. - That's not true.
No, Mickey, is true.
I do bad. I need to be punished.
So God is punishing me by hurting David.
But I beg you, God...
(VOICE QUAVERS) Do anything you want to me.
Punish me the worst, but let my little boy live.
(SOBBING)
- Sit down. - No.
Mr. Lewan, remember me?
Ron Edwards.
Marla, Marla! Is miracle! God listened to me!
He punish me instead! Finally, I gonna pay for my sins!
Is all be okay!
Mr. Lewan, you are under arrest for multiple counts of fraud!
BARB: I knew it! I knew you were up to something!
- MARLA: What's going on? - MICKEY: You're a criminal?
God is good. So good is God. He hear me, Marla!
- He hear my prayer. - Who is it?
God! What do you mean who is? God! God!
- I get to pay! - MARLA: Where are you taking him?
I believed in you! I defended you!
- MARLA: What are you doing? - I broke up with Barb because of you!
- What? - I told you, Mickey!
- I told you he was feeding you a lie! - You were right, Barb! You were right!
It's okay. Listen... Oh! My boy!
Look at my boy's eyes! Look!
- MARLA: David! - JAN: I told you!
Those filing cabinets said it all!
MARLA: Ma, what are you talking about?
My life is a lie!
BARB: I bet that's just the tip of the iceberg!
MICKEY: You're a bullshit artist and a liar! You cooked the books!
MARLA: Jan, will you come back here and just tell me what's going on?
It's okay, Marla! Our boy will live!
I love you, David! Your father love you!
Today, polka king Jan Lewan began his five-year prison sentence.
In a tearful apology, Lewan pled guilty to running a Ponzi scheme
that targeted the elderly in 14 states.
Dozens of seniors showed up at the sentencing
to angrily condemn Lewan in court.
Jan Lewan wiped us out.
MICKEY: A lot of people like the Mitsubishi.
Me, personally, I'm a Sony guy.
Highest resolution, S-VHS connector, best-in-class audio.
They all look the same to me. Which one's the cheapest?
(SIGHS)
That one.
(GATE RATTLES, SLAMS)
♪ Let's go to Hawaii Where the palm trees sway ♪
♪ Let's put polka bubbles in the wine ♪
♪ They'll teach us How to hula the Hawaiian way ♪
♪ We'll teach them How to polka two-four time ♪
JAN: People not so nice here.
Lots of people hating me, I think.
Even Mickey sent me hate letter.
But, you know, I taking every day by the day.
You tell me about you.
I stopped using my cane.
That is best news! You... oh!
(HANDSET CLICKS)
- (DIAL TONE SOUNDS) - (PHONE BEEPS)
Excuse me? I have problem.
I am very scared of my roommate.
He just came from solitary.
- Walker? - Yeah.
GUARD: Yeah, you stay outta his way.
I think is mistake that I am in same room with this man.
I never kill nobody or even punch a face.
Whatever you did, it must've been pretty bad if you ended up in here.
JAN: So I stuck in room with crazy man.
But what am I do? I put myself here, place for the bad people.
(JAN SCREAMING)
JAN: But I thinking of you, Marla.
Of you and David.
How I still want to give you everything.
It keep me alive.
Ugh! Jan...
And in the end, I think is good.
Is good thing, having throat slit by crazy man.
What? Why, Jan?
Because, now, everybody here so nice to me.
Everybody say I am badass with prison cred.
MARLA: Ugh! I can't believe they put you in the cell with that lunatic.
That is the real crime here.
Whole system is pretty fucked up.
Well, believe it or not, my mother sends her love. (SNICKERS)
- What? To me? - I know.
She's a real piece of work.
The most amazing thing happened at the supermarket.
ANITA: We heard the good news.
I don't know what you're talking about.
- Jan. - ANITA: Mm.
(CHUCKLES)
Too bad they didn't finish the job.
Oh!
Ed, do something!
- ANITA: Ooh! You assaulted us! - BARB: Nobody forced you!
- ANITA: We'll call the police! - BARB: You invested
because you were greedy!
How could some cut-rate polka musician
give you 12% when the bank only gives you three?
(SCREAMING) You were greedy! Greedy, greedy, greedy!
You only have yourselves to blame!
There's something very wrong with you!
(SCREAMS) I still got my money!
ANITA: Ed, go, go, go!
- What is she... Oh! - ED: Oh, my...
(ED AND ANITA YELL)
ED: Maniac!
Finally, Mama defend me! That is so good news!
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah, you always said she'd like you eventually.
So, good keep coming from this slit throat.
There's something else that I wanted to talk to you about.
Okay.
(SIGHS)
It's been hard.
Real hard.
And not just having no money, but...
people think that I knew about you and your investments.
You don't know anything. I barely know! (SCOFFS)
But you did know.
You did.
And maybe then, so I'm just a fool.
But... I wanted to believe in all of the good things.
And I...
I wanted to believe in you...
because I love you.
(MARLA SIGHS, SNIFFLES)
But I don't think that I can ever trust you again.
- I need to move on with my life. - No. No.
No, I win you back. You will trust me again.
I will always, always be a friend to you.
No! I don't want friend!
I'm sorry, but I don't wanna be Mrs. Jan Lewan anymore.
Is official.
I lose everything.
(SOBS) I'm so sorry.
I sorry, too.
Tyrone.
So long.
(MAN CHUCKLES)
Applesauce.
So long.
Be good, Polka Man. I'll see you at the Grammys.
Learn a lot from you.
Hey, Jan. You need a ride someplace?
No, is good. I take the bus.
Ziggy-zaggy, ziggy-zaggy!
Hi, hi, hi!
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
(HORN HONKS)
You come!
(JAN LAUGHING)
I'm sorry I'm late. I couldn't get off work till three.
My boy...
Is good you such hard worker. (CHUCKLES)
Mickey.
Hey, Jan.
(SNIFFLES)
I'm sorry.
I never came to see you.
I turned my back on you.
You here now, Mickey.
Been a bad friend.
Is America.
We all get second chance.
Oh...
Is heaven, Mickey.
Is absolute heaven!
I gonna play this.
What is it?
Is going-away present from my music circle.
They all do murders, so never get out.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ With tears in my eyes ♪
♪ I left my Polish home ♪
♪ Two suitcases packed ♪
♪ With everything I own ♪
♪ America, the money tree This was my only goal ♪
♪ And for this, I will work Body, heart, mind, and soul ♪
♪ But I made miscalculation ♪
♪ Brought trial and tribulation ♪
♪ I say prayers of contrition Lord, I need a better mission ♪
♪ I lived the vida loca ♪
♪ But now I'm rapping polka ♪
You can feel it, don't you?
Is good sound, no?
- That's awesome, Pop. - MICKEY: Yeah, yeah.
All it needs is a trumpet here and there and a little...
pizzazz.
(LAUGHS)
Ah, yes.
Could be big famous.
♪ With tears in my eyes ♪
♪ I left my Polish home ♪
♪ Two suitcases packed ♪
♪ With everything I own ♪
♪ America, the money tree This was my only goal ♪
♪ And for this I will work ♪
♪ Body, heart, mind and soul ♪
♪ I dreamed that everyone in Vegas By now will know my name ♪
♪ In Chicago and Cleveland I will have great fame ♪
♪ In Big Apple You will see my smiling face ♪
♪ From Central Park, Soho ♪
♪ Even in Park Place ♪
♪ When I got to the States ♪
♪ I formed a polka band ♪
♪ We started in dance halls ♪
♪ Toured by bus across the land ♪
♪ I never lost my dream Of being a big star ♪
♪ I pursued it everywhere Here, there, near, far, hey! ♪
♪ But with revelation Came trial and tribulation ♪
♪ But I stayed in meditation Overcome my situation ♪
♪ You can say I did it all They wanted to see me fall ♪
♪ I've been locked behind the walls But still, I standing tall ♪
♪ I have lived the vida loca ♪
♪ But now I'm rapping polka ♪
♪ With hard work and luck I made it really big ♪
♪ Playing my polka music At every major gig ♪
♪ Everyone in Sheboygan Was singing my polka songs ♪
♪ But I never realized things Could go so very wrong ♪
♪ Listen to my story To the tale that I relate ♪
♪ So you and your loved ones May escape my awful fate, hey! ♪
♪ But with revelation Came trial and tribulation ♪
♪ But I stayed in meditation Overcome my situation ♪
♪ You can say I did it all ♪
♪ They wanted to see me fall ♪
♪ I've been locked behind the walls But still, I standing tall ♪
♪ I done lived the vida loca But now I rapping polka ♪
♪ You can feel it, don't you? ♪
♪ Ni-ni, na-ni-ni, ni-ni, na-ni ♪
♪ Ni-ni, na-ni, na-na-na ni ♪
Yo!
♪ Ni-ni, na-ni-ni, ni-ni, na-ni ♪
♪ Ni-ni, na-ni, na-na-na ni ♪ Yeah! Whoo!
(WHOOPING)
♪ Ni-ni, na-ni-ni, ni-ni, na-ni ♪
♪ Ni-ni, na-ni, na-na-na ni ♪ Whoo-hoo!
♪ Ni-ni, na-ni, na-na-na ni ♪
Ho!
♪ That's my polka rap! ♪
Ho!
♪ For happiness and health ♪
♪ For family and wealth ♪
♪ Dziekuje, thank you so much, Jesus ♪
♪ In sunny days or rain ♪
♪ In times of joy or pain ♪
♪ Dziekuje, thank you so much, Jesus ♪
♪ I always feel your love ♪
♪ You give direction from above ♪
♪ Dziekuje ♪
♪ Thank you so much, Lord ♪